Do you ever find yourself innocently going about your day, when you suddenly stumble upon something familiar that just chaps your ass quite illogically?
I’m talking about those little things that you simply cannot tolerate, for no reason that you can fathom. Everyone has them, these tiny annoyances that truly push your buttons. Some admit to them, some don’t. And for good reason. These little provocations can be quite embarrassing, and frankly they can make a person seem… well… like a hater.
I personally have exactly seven things that really get me going with the full-on scowl, the eyes rolling back into my head, and the muttered string of curse words under my breath. I thought that by admitting to mine, it would make it easier to help others open up about their little hates.
I’m here to help, people. It’s a gift.
Here we go…
Number 1. Bumper stickers - either with initials that no one can possibly decipher the meaning, or the ones that are printed too small to read so you have to risk life and limb creeping up close to the car going seventy-five miles per hour on the highway, because you’re sure the sticker must be witty and fascinating, and you absolutely can’t go on with life until you know exactly what it says.
Number 2. The expression “my bad”. Ugh! Hate it.
Number 3. Loud cell phone talkers. This includes those on Blue Tooth in the grocery store, those who walk through the neighborhood with their phone on speaker, and those who just yell into the phone so they can be sure everyone will stop and stare. Yes, we get it – you’re super cool. And important. You have an IPhone. What a trend setter.
Number 4. Families who vacation with small children in the city of Las Vegas. In case you didn’t know this, LV is nicknamed “Sin City”. Um, dude… ever hear of Disney?
Number 5. Ridiculous commercials. Yes, it’s absolutely normal to drink beer and order a pizza while partying in a modular home while traveling across country on the back of a tracker trailer. And Matthew McConaughey, I love you, but you should be ashamed of yourself for those Lincoln commercials. Downright appalling.
Number 6. Christmas decorations… and God help me… Christmas music… before Halloween. I get that we have become a ridiculously consumer centered society, but for the love of Mary, Joseph, and the Baby Jesus – everyone knows that the Christmas season starts the day AFTER Thanksgiving, thank you very much. There will be no Joy to my World, and certainly no Decking of my Halls, any time before the last Friday in November. Try and shove it down my throat? I will hurt you.
Number 7. Worms, gin, peas, the expression ‘due diligence’, the word ‘moist’, wind, dull pencil points, fake people, mean people, people who never smile, and celebrities that ruin their faces with plastic surgery. (Yes, I’m counting those all as one thing. Because I can, and you’re not the boss of me.)
Whew! Now that I’ve shared, and the ice is broken, and we’re all comfortable with each other, I would like to take this opportunity to also present you with seven things that I absolutely love, just so you see that I am not a complete lost cause.
And… go -
Number 1. Coffee. But not just any coffee. The very first sip of delicious Joe in the morning. Nothing else compares. I usually close my eyes every time, just to savor it even more. It is one of the best reasons for waking up in the morning.
Number 2. Live music. The louder the better. And sorry, but no jazz.
Number 3. When I’m reading a book, and I reach a point early on where I realize I’m gonna really love this story. I still have several hundred pages left to pore over, and it’s so good it might be worth missing sleep to finish the next chapter.
Number 4. Taking off my shoes after a long day. Knowing that I don’t have to put those little foot prisons back on for at least another twelve hours makes me, and my sore little piggies, very happy indeed.
Number 5. The sound of heavy rain against the window on a Sunday morning when I can sleep in. There is nothing more comforting.
Number 6. The smell of a movie theater. It doesn’t even matter if the movie sucks. I just adore the entire movie-going experience. I don’t even mind that I have to remortgage my house to pay for it. I will still buy the biggest tub of popcorn and the largest Mr. Pibb available. And I will happily finish them both, by myself (don’t even try to take any of my damn popcorn!), before the opening credits.
Number 7. Ducks on the water. Nope, not Smoke on the Water. Ducks. There’s this path I usually walk on that runs beside a creek or stream or river or brook or whatever – it’s moving water; and there are always a few ducks just hanging out. Some are beautiful mallard ducks and some are just the ugly garden variety. But I am mesmerized by the graceful, effortless way they glide across the water. It makes me smile every time.
More things that make me smile, you ask? But of course!
Cheese, new shoes, purple, Hogwarts, the absolute silence after a snowfall, the way my cat, Lucy, squeaks instead of purrs, fart jokes, hugs, gerbera daisies, the word 'fisticuffs', laughter, and old farmhouses.
See. That wasn’t so difficult. And we’ve proven here today that I am not a hater after all. I just as easily came up with more than seven things that bring me outright joy.
So it’s okay, people. It’s okay to admit to the “little” things that piss you off. Shout it from the rooftop, announce it on the Megatron, write it in the sky.
This thing annoys me.
That thing sets my teeth on edge.
This thing makes me want to stick a fork in someone’s eye socket.
As long as you balance out those irritants with things that make you smile… you’re gonna be just fine.
Trust me. I know things.
I’m talking about those little things that you simply cannot tolerate, for no reason that you can fathom. Everyone has them, these tiny annoyances that truly push your buttons. Some admit to them, some don’t. And for good reason. These little provocations can be quite embarrassing, and frankly they can make a person seem… well… like a hater.
I personally have exactly seven things that really get me going with the full-on scowl, the eyes rolling back into my head, and the muttered string of curse words under my breath. I thought that by admitting to mine, it would make it easier to help others open up about their little hates.
I’m here to help, people. It’s a gift.
Here we go…
Number 1. Bumper stickers - either with initials that no one can possibly decipher the meaning, or the ones that are printed too small to read so you have to risk life and limb creeping up close to the car going seventy-five miles per hour on the highway, because you’re sure the sticker must be witty and fascinating, and you absolutely can’t go on with life until you know exactly what it says.
Number 2. The expression “my bad”. Ugh! Hate it.
Number 3. Loud cell phone talkers. This includes those on Blue Tooth in the grocery store, those who walk through the neighborhood with their phone on speaker, and those who just yell into the phone so they can be sure everyone will stop and stare. Yes, we get it – you’re super cool. And important. You have an IPhone. What a trend setter.
Number 4. Families who vacation with small children in the city of Las Vegas. In case you didn’t know this, LV is nicknamed “Sin City”. Um, dude… ever hear of Disney?
Number 5. Ridiculous commercials. Yes, it’s absolutely normal to drink beer and order a pizza while partying in a modular home while traveling across country on the back of a tracker trailer. And Matthew McConaughey, I love you, but you should be ashamed of yourself for those Lincoln commercials. Downright appalling.
Number 6. Christmas decorations… and God help me… Christmas music… before Halloween. I get that we have become a ridiculously consumer centered society, but for the love of Mary, Joseph, and the Baby Jesus – everyone knows that the Christmas season starts the day AFTER Thanksgiving, thank you very much. There will be no Joy to my World, and certainly no Decking of my Halls, any time before the last Friday in November. Try and shove it down my throat? I will hurt you.
Number 7. Worms, gin, peas, the expression ‘due diligence’, the word ‘moist’, wind, dull pencil points, fake people, mean people, people who never smile, and celebrities that ruin their faces with plastic surgery. (Yes, I’m counting those all as one thing. Because I can, and you’re not the boss of me.)
Whew! Now that I’ve shared, and the ice is broken, and we’re all comfortable with each other, I would like to take this opportunity to also present you with seven things that I absolutely love, just so you see that I am not a complete lost cause.
And… go -
Number 1. Coffee. But not just any coffee. The very first sip of delicious Joe in the morning. Nothing else compares. I usually close my eyes every time, just to savor it even more. It is one of the best reasons for waking up in the morning.
Number 2. Live music. The louder the better. And sorry, but no jazz.
Number 3. When I’m reading a book, and I reach a point early on where I realize I’m gonna really love this story. I still have several hundred pages left to pore over, and it’s so good it might be worth missing sleep to finish the next chapter.
Number 4. Taking off my shoes after a long day. Knowing that I don’t have to put those little foot prisons back on for at least another twelve hours makes me, and my sore little piggies, very happy indeed.
Number 5. The sound of heavy rain against the window on a Sunday morning when I can sleep in. There is nothing more comforting.
Number 6. The smell of a movie theater. It doesn’t even matter if the movie sucks. I just adore the entire movie-going experience. I don’t even mind that I have to remortgage my house to pay for it. I will still buy the biggest tub of popcorn and the largest Mr. Pibb available. And I will happily finish them both, by myself (don’t even try to take any of my damn popcorn!), before the opening credits.
Number 7. Ducks on the water. Nope, not Smoke on the Water. Ducks. There’s this path I usually walk on that runs beside a creek or stream or river or brook or whatever – it’s moving water; and there are always a few ducks just hanging out. Some are beautiful mallard ducks and some are just the ugly garden variety. But I am mesmerized by the graceful, effortless way they glide across the water. It makes me smile every time.
More things that make me smile, you ask? But of course!
Cheese, new shoes, purple, Hogwarts, the absolute silence after a snowfall, the way my cat, Lucy, squeaks instead of purrs, fart jokes, hugs, gerbera daisies, the word 'fisticuffs', laughter, and old farmhouses.
See. That wasn’t so difficult. And we’ve proven here today that I am not a hater after all. I just as easily came up with more than seven things that bring me outright joy.
So it’s okay, people. It’s okay to admit to the “little” things that piss you off. Shout it from the rooftop, announce it on the Megatron, write it in the sky.
This thing annoys me.
That thing sets my teeth on edge.
This thing makes me want to stick a fork in someone’s eye socket.
As long as you balance out those irritants with things that make you smile… you’re gonna be just fine.
Trust me. I know things.